Tips for Living with an Alcoholic

Last Updated:

May 30th, 2025

Living with someone who has an alcohol problem can feel like you’re constantly treading water. You may be unsure when the next wave will hit or how to keep your head above it. You might be filled with worry, frustration or guilt, all while trying to hold things together.

This guide is here to help. Whether you’re just beginning to suspect there’s an issue or already know your partner is struggling, you’ll find practical tips and supportive advice on what steps to take next, for their wellbeing and yours.

Is my loved one an alcoholic?

When someone you love is drinking heavily, it’s natural to start asking questions.

Are they just going through something? Will this pass? Or is it something more serious?

These aren’t easy questions to sit with, especially when emotions, love and shared history are involved.

The truth is that people turn to alcohol for many reasons. Sometimes, it’s to cope with grief, job loss, trauma or a personal crisis. In these cases, alcohol use may increase temporarily but eventually ease off again once the crisis is addressed. But in other cases, what starts as a coping mechanism becomes a cycle that’s hard to break.

Understanding the difference between temporary misuse and alcoholism is key in helping you better grasp what might be going on so you can decide how best to take care of yourself and potentially guide them to help.

Here’s a basic comparison to help frame things:

Temporary misuse	Possible alcohol addiction
Drinking to cope with a specific event or rough patch	Drinking becomes a regular and escalating pattern
Can stop or reduce drinking when needed	Tries to stop but struggles, often relapses
Still prioritises responsibilities despite drinking	Work, family or health begins to suffer
Acknowledges the drinking and seeks to cut back	Denies there’s a problem or becomes defensive when confronted
Drinks in social or emotional context occasionally	Drinks alone, in the morning or to “feel normal”

Of course, this table is only a guide. You don’t need to make a final call on whether your partner has an alcohol addiction, as that’s the role of professionals. But if you’re feeling confused or helpless watching someone you love change before your eyes, it’s valid to start asking these questions.

Determining alcoholism in your loved one

Alcoholism doesn’t always come with clear markers, and what matters here is how the drinking is affecting your loved one’s life but, just as importantly, yours too.

If alcohol is beginning to dominate the household dynamic or if you’re constantly adjusting yourself to their moods and behaviours, it may be time to consider whether more help is needed.

Here are six questions to ask yourself:

Have they tried to cut down or stop drinking but haven’t been able to?
Is alcohol starting to take priority over other areas of life?
Do they get defensive, angry or secretive when you bring up their alcohol use?
Do they seem to need alcohol to relax, sleep or get through the day?
Are you changing your behaviour to avoid triggering arguments or to ‘keep the peace’?
Have you noticed changes in their personality, mood or health since their drinking increased?

If these questions hit close to home, know that your situation may need extra support.

How to live with an alcoholic loved one

Once it’s clear that your partner has an alcohol addiction, your next question probably isn’t just one question; it’s probably a storm of them. How long can I keep doing this? What’s going to happen to our children? Am I helping or making things worse? But one question that surfaces more than most is: how am I supposed to live with an alcoholic loved one?

It’s not a small ask. If you’ve read the statistics, you’ll know that alcohol plays a role in around half of all domestic violence incidents in the UK. Now, it’s not about learning to tiptoe around drunken moods or finding a new routine; it’s about safeguarding yourself in an environment that can turn unstable very quickly.

If you’re in this situation, here are five things to keep in mind:

Safety always comes first

If your partner’s drinking ever turns aggressive, threatening or unpredictable, the most important thing you can do is keep yourself (and any children) safe. That might mean stepping out temporarily or having a friend or relative you can contact quickly or quietly seeking advice from a charity that helps families affected by addiction.

Living with an alcoholic doesn’t mean putting yourself in harm’s way.

You can’t be their therapist

It’s painful to watch someone you love spiral and it’s natural to want to fix it. But emotional support doesn’t mean taking on the role of counsellor. If they’re going to recover, they’ll need support that’s structured and professional. The best thing you can do is encourage steps in that direction while setting firm emotional boundaries for yourself.

Stick to boundaries, even if they push back

If you’ve said, “I won’t stay in the house when you drink in front of the kids,” or “I won’t lie to your work again,” then hold that line. It’s very important to protect your own values and keep a clear sense of self, which can get blurry when addiction dominates the household. Boundaries often prompt reflection, which can lead to change.

Don’t let their drinking become your routine

It’s easy to build your life around their drinking. Things like planning your day based on their moods, covering for them with friends or adjusting your own habits to avoid conflict may have become the norm. But over time, this can damage your mental health. Try to maintain your own hobbies and support network. It’s easier to encourage someone to step into recovery when you’re not drowning with them.

Keep hope but be honest about what’s needed

You might tell yourself, “They just need more time,” or “They’ll stop once things settle down.” While this may be true, long-term recovery rarely happens without focused support. A safe, structured setting where they can step away from the triggers and work through their drinking in depth might feel like a big step. For many, it’s what finally breaks the cycle.

How can my loved one get the help they need for alcohol addiction?

If someone you love is struggling with alcohol addiction, knowing how to help can feel overwhelming. You’ve likely tried talking, encouraging or setting boundaries, but things haven’t changed. This is where alcohol rehab becomes an important option to consider. It removes your loved one from their usual environment and allows them to recover in a safe, focused space.

The first step is detox. This helps your loved one stop drinking safely, with staff available around the clock to monitor their wellbeing and manage withdrawal symptoms. Once alcohol is out of their system, they can begin the next part of the process: therapy.

Therapy helps your loved one explore what led to their drinking, how it’s affecting their life and what tools they can use to manage things differently. It’s a chance to work through patterns that might have gone unnoticed for years.

After rehab, continued support is available through aftercare. This helps your loved one stay on track, while also giving you space to process everything and find support for yourself, too.

If you think your loved one needs help, contact Sanctuary Lodge. We’re ready to support you both.

(Click here to see works cited)

Alcohol Harm Commission: Report 2020 – Hansard – UK Parliament, hansard.parliament.uk/lords/2021-04-22/debates/DC307679-EA51-43C7-B981-0B5F741427D2/AlcoholHarmCommissionReport2020. Accessed 16 Apr. 2025.