Helping an Addicted / Alcoholic Parent

Supporting an addicted parent can leave you feeling unsure of your role, as you strive to help the person who’s been the primary caregiver for most of your life.

We’re here to help you understand how to support an alcoholic or addicted parent without losing yourself in the process, so you can give them the care they need.

How common is it to live with an addicted or alcoholic parent?

Pinpointing exactly how many people live with an addicted or alcoholic parent is difficult, largely because addiction can affect families at any stage of life. A parent’s drinking may begin in childhood, emerge later in adulthood, or escalate as they age.

The largest-scale UK research we have into family alcoholism suggests that nearly 5% of adults grew up in a household where one or both parents drank excessively, equating to around two million people. More than half of those people reported ongoing difficulties at home and many carried the emotional effects of that upbringing into later life. These figures don’t capture instances where addiction develops later, so the true number of people affected is likely to be much higher.

What we’re seeing is that millions of people are living with the consequences of parental addiction, either in the present or through unresolved experiences from the past. Many adults struggle with the tension between wanting to help and feeling unsure how to do so. This conflict is deeply human and symbolises your desire for a better future, both for your parent and for yourself.

How can I help my parent without reinforcing their addiction?

Having to become a caregiver for the person who helped raise you into an adult can feel like having your whole world turned upside down. We understand your immense desire to care, yet there should always be clear limits, as even well-intentioned help may worsen the situation they’re in.

Learning to distinguish between support and enabling

The support you give your parent will look wholly different to another person, as each family functions differently. Fully supporting them means helping them to take full responsibility for their actions, while enabling them can quickly slip into territory that takes them away from the consequences of their actions, even when it’s done through love.

• Enabling looks like excuses, or covering up for their behaviour when taking the substance. You might step in to help a crisis they are in, or be too afraid for honest conversations, so that you just keep the peace.
• Supporting looks like helping them attend medical appointments or support group meetings. You might be the person who offers practical help like transport to their appointments or help managing their schedules, or you might be more of an outlet to them, who listens deeply, without judgement.

Being able to recognise where support stops and enabling begins isn’t easy, especially when you’re coming from a place of love and concern. However, being a genuine force of support can help protect both you and your parent as they work towards lasting, meaningful change.

Setting boundaries as an act of care, not rejection

In families affected by addiction, boundaries are often essential to protect both your well-being and the integrity of the relationship. They can help you come to terms with what you can and cannot accept from them. Examples of healthy boundaries could sound like:

• “I want to support your recovery, but I can’t spend time with you when you’ve been drinking.”
• “I’m no longer willing to make excuses or cover up the consequences of your substance use.”
• “I’ll help you access support, but I can’t manage things for you anymore.”

Even as the parent-child relationship inverts, keeping your boundaries stands as one of the best ways to encourage them to get the help they need.

Knowing and respecting your own limits

One of the easiest ways genuine support slips into enabling behaviour comes when you aren’t keeping track of your own energy levels.

It’s easy for support to cross into overextension when you lose sight of your own limits. Reaching that state won’t help your parent, as your own health is at risk. You mustn’t lose track of your limits, as you need to protect the support you have available to them.

Should I be worried about inheriting an addiction?

At some point, almost every person who grows up with a parent battling alcoholism wonders, “How deeply am I/was I affected by their addiction, and will I inherit it?” The sad truth is that you likely do need to take extra steps to keep yourself away from addiction.

Research shows that children of people with alcohol or substance use disorders (SUDs) are more likely to develop similar addictions themselves. Some research suggests that the risk of alcohol dependence is up to four times higher when compared to children with non-alcohol-dependent parents. However, here you should remember that risk does not equate to inevitability. Your genetics can influence your susceptibility, but your destiny is never set in stone.

What steps can I take today?

When you’re living with the worry of a parent’s addiction, it can be hard to know where to direct your energy. While you cannot control their choices, there are practical steps you can take to protect yourself and offer support in a healthier, more effective way:

Who can I speak to for addiction support?

Supporting an addicted or alcoholic parent can be exhausting, emotionally and mentally. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by responsibility, guilt or helplessness, but you do not have to face this alone.

At Sanctuary Lodge, we understand that addiction affects the whole family. Our team can help you explore treatment options and offer guidance that supports both your well-being and your loved one’s recovery.

Reaching out for support is your best first step. Help is here for you, and a healthier future, free from addiction, is possible.